Ever since the first caveman saw the first cave woman, life revolved around one thing; how to impress her enough to ensure she wanted to be your cave woman and not the guy living in cave 2B. Although it may have started with beating your chest and grunting, the art of flirting has progressed over time and has spawned countless numbers of books and websites.. Some of these resources are great, and some, not so great. In the next few paragraphs we will cover what works and what does not.
The first thing to know when flirting with a woman is every woman is unique and different, so to say there is a “silver bullet answer” to how to successfully flirt with them would be an impossible task. Also, when I say “silver bullet answer”, I do not mean loading her up with Coors Light. This is definitely more of an art form than a science. Much like anything else, practice makes perfect. Just because you may not fit the mold of what society says women want, does not mean you cannot successfully flirt with women.
Confidence is paramount to your success here, and probably the most important of the tips we will cover today. Much like bees and dogs, women can smell fear, and it does not smell attractive.
If you cannot visualize yourself carrying on a conversation with the woman you would like to flirt with, do not approach her. She will see right through your lack of confidence and you will be done before you start.
One way to get past this issue of confidence is to be a student of the woman you would like to flirt with. Don’t camp out in the corner taking notes and being “that guy”, but casually take notice of what she is wearing, what she is drinking, who she is with, etc. This will give you a few things to discuss when you do start speaking with her.
Another one of the classic ways to flirt is to use a pick-up line. Tread very lightly with this one, as most lines are designed to be funny, but in reality are over the top and campy. If that is the message you want to send, then by all means, there are plenty of sites out there with countless list for you to use. Otherwise, if that is not the message you want to send, I would recommend avoiding them.
Be genuine. Women are looking for honesty and realness in men, and the more you that comes through your conversation, the more likely you are to be successful with woman. Also, do not forget to smile. If you look like you are not happy, how much do you think the woman you are flirting with will want to hear anything you have to say or spend any amount of time talking to you?
Make sure you look presentable. Granted, love happens all of the time in many different circumstances, but if you are going out to meet women, much like the business world, dress for success. Sure, your buffalo sauce stained T-shirt and plaid shorts have gotten you through some great times, but if you look like a slob, you are only hurting your chances for successfully flirting with the opposite sex. You do not have to spend a lot of money to look great either. Recent studies have shown woman think a man’s shoes say a lot about him as a person. Are they clean and polished up or ratty and scuffed? Not surprisingly, men whose shoes were well taken care of shoes were more successful in speaking with women, then those who were not. For some odd reason, taking care of your shoes translates into taking care of a woman.
Finally, and another of the great idea is to be a student of a woman’s body language. That will be the best indicator of whether or not to proceed when flirting with her. Is she leaning towards you or shifting her body towards you when you are speaking? Did she break the touch barrier (i.e. – lightly touching your or hand while laughing at a joke)? Is she making continuous eye contact throughout the conversation? All of these things, although never a guarantee for success, are all key indicators that you are moving in the right direction.
In the end, be confident, smile, and be yourself. These are just some of the tried and true methods, but also remember to be original. Keep in mind flirting is an art form, and everyone gets shot down from time to time. Shake it off. Get back up and keep going. Most importantly, have fun with it!
Neil Strauss Books